


Voldemort knows a lot of spells

by limeta



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Duelling, Fluff and Crack, Gen, beautification spells, valuable lesson, voldemort duels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-02
Updated: 2019-11-02
Packaged: 2021-01-31 23:22:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21280904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/limeta/pseuds/limeta
Summary: Barty Jr. says that make-up spells are useless. Voldemort decides to duel him using only beautification spells to prove a point.
Comments: 12
Kudos: 116





	Voldemort knows a lot of spells

Some time in 1980

Probably Malfoy Manor

Lord Voldemort heard a lot of remarks throughout his life, and no doubt about it, he would hear even more.

But, as far as he was concerned – this one stuck out from the gossipy mass.

''Make up spells are completely _useless_.''

It was said with such vehemence and anger – as if make-up spells had done something to dear Barty Jr. His newest Death Eater. Poor man, he had a father that instilled in him _ideals_. Lord Voldemort had no such burden to shake off.

Bellatrix sat in front of him and groaned: ''They're not, Barty – they're actually pretty helpful with spy work and disguises. I can dye your hair and contour your face with a few flicks and someone won't be able to tell it's you right away. That means quite a lot.''

Barty Jr. crossed his arms and continued: ''They're just silly and impractical.''

Bellatrix looked like she was going to tear his head off. This seemed to be a longer conversation than Lord Voldemort had caught.

He entered the room, having stopped eavesdropping, and said: ''Hello, Bella.'' Then, indifferently, ''Bartemius Jr.''

''My lord-'' Barty fell to his knees to genuflect. Bellatrix stood up to salute him. There were those who grovelled and those who were trusted beyond it.

''Get up, Junior.'' Lord Voldemort said and motioned for Barty to take out his wand, ''I couldn't help but overhear your conversation.''

Barty smiled crookedly, it was a smile of a person who did not know what was going on and was too worried to ask and make a fool of himself. He gripped his wand tightly and waited.

''Let's have a small duel. Don't worry, it'll be short. I imagine I won't need much time to bring you down.'' Bellatrix snorted at that and whispered how she bet he could do that in less than thirty seconds. Voldemort smiled at his General indulgently. Everyone needed a Bellatrix in their lives.

''All right. Okay.'' By Barty's voice wavering it was neither all right, nor okay. Perfect, Voldemort mused, already out of tact.

''To make things interesting, I am going to be limiting myself by using ONLY beautification charms, if you will. And you – you can use whatever you like. Go dark, Junior, be creative.''

Barty nodded. He assumed the beginning position of a dueller. Arm a little back, twisting on his side to be a smaller target. They bowed, and Lord Voldemort fired off a silent spell that Barty dodged, brought up a shield, and fired off a cruciatus curse.

Voldemort was flattered as he pivoted out of the way – opening up with an unforgivable spoke of how scared his Death Eater was. Opponents stronger than you had to be brought down quickly. There was no room for talk.

Bellatrix refereed and acted as potential healer. Not that Voldemort worried of being hit. A few more innocuous spells aimed at Barty caused his shield to collapse, and before he could spring up another one – Voldemort charged.

''These spells mostly have French incantations, do you have any idea why?'' Voldemort asked as he sent a spell at Barty that hit his uncovered arm and nearly caused him to drop his wand. It burned and then, when he dared a glance at it, he found that there weren't any hairs on his arm anymore. The look on his face, Voldemort stifled a snort-laugh. This was serious business. Perhaps later, with Bellatrix, he would laugh.

''A little wax!'' Bellatrix jeered, ''Maybe you should aim between his eyebrows, my lord!''

Never one to disappoint such an adoring audience, Voldemort did just that.

That's when Barty keeled over. ''It burns!''

Voldemort switched up his weight from one foot to the other and gave Barty a few seconds to recuperate. He was such a child about it, too. It didn't take him long, that he had to credit, before Barty sent a bone-shattering curse his way. Voldemort recognized its potent colour.

He levitated an armchair in front of him that burst from the spell.

''Good technique,'' he praised.

Barty wasn't yet comfortable with duelling to talk during one, so Voldemort decided that he would end this quickly. He liked a good conversation during his battles to the death (never his), but this was abrupt and tedious now.

He spelled Barty's hair to grow fast and obstruct his vision. Next as he floundered, Voldemort attacked his fingernails and made them grow longer – throwing his wand-hold off balance. He'd seen many mages not know how to hold their wands after getting those extensions done. It'd amused him as a young boy – he'd never understood why they did that.

Barty dropped his wand, and had to fling back his hair to see where it had landed. Voldemort decided to put him out of his misery. Now that he had those terrified eyes on him, he waved his yew wand fast and diligently through the air, spoke the incantation, and sent a jet of inky black colour straight for Barty’s eyes.

‘’Oh.’’ Voldemort said as Barty fell and smudged at his eyes. ‘’I do believe I didn’t quite aim the eyeliner spell right.’’ He said, as slowly and dishonestly as he could. Bellatrix howled with laughter at the display. She clapped like a seal and leaned forward, moving her hands to her sides to keep herself from hurting herself by laughing so hard.

Barty Jr’s eyes welled with tears.

Bellatrix chided him: ‘’Don’t do that, Barty, you’ll run the makeup.’’

It caused him to cry even harder.

Voldemort turned to Bellatrix and whispered: ‘’Oh, did we go too far?’’

Bellatrix tilted her head and said: ‘’It appears so.’’

Voldemort shrugged, crossed over to his fallen Death Eater, and pulled him up.

Then, loudly, from the doorframe, Abraxas Malfoy shouted: ‘’WHAT HAPPENED TO MY ARMCHAIR!’’

Voldemort and Bellatrix pointed at Barty.

Abraxas Malfoy took out his willow wand and shouted: ‘’I WILL RUIN YOU, YOU LITTLE TWAT!’’

* * *

Harry Potter wondered why Professor Moody made them learn make-up spells during Defence Against the Dark Arts, but the kooky old wizard seemed to be adamant that they could be used to destroy their opponents.

Then, mumbling: ‘’Or at least throw them off and then have them run for their lives, whilst being chased after ten mean peacocks.’’

**Author's Note:**

> I always headcanon that Voldemort knows spells that he really has no business knowing solely because he grew bored and decided to read a book about beauty spells one time. Maybe he uses mascara spells. To make his red eyes POP.


End file.
